Sunday, February 22, 2015
Two Week Wait Day 6
So how am I feeling today?
This has been the worst day so far. I am feeling pretty anxious. I have a pit in my stomach. I find myself suddently searching the internet for signs. Should I be feeling symptoms? Should I not be feeling symptoms? Does this or that mean I am pregnant or not pregnant? I've also been searching for other IVF stories. Is there anyone else out there who got pregnant on FET #4?
I feel like I am pregnant. If I had to bet on it, I would put my money on a positive pregnancy test later this week. But this is also a terrifying thought. In the past I assumed I wouldn't be pregnant. I would try to convince myself during the two week wait that I wouldn't be pregnant so I wouldn't be more disappointed when the results came back negative. Right after the blood draw I would get a glimmer of hope but I would still try to talk myself down until I found out our negative result.
This time I am feeling pretty confident (based on what?). But the stakes feel high this time. We used two embryos this time. We only have one left. That will be 0/5 attempt success rate -- why would #6 be any different? And while I feel I have gained some spiritual perspective, I am really not sure how I will handle another negative result this time.
I started wondering last night if I should try a home pregnancy test. They advise you not to and I haven't done it since my first round. I don't think I will try it, though. I don't think I am ready for the result yet. Even though I want to know, I feel more afraid then I remember at this stage and regardless of the result I will question and stress over it. Best to stay away I suppose.
So, I'm trying to stay distracted. I'm trying not to read too much into how tired I feel or how hungry I am or how off my stomach feels at times or if I am having chest sensitivity or any of the other early signs of pregnancy. Hard to do today -- maybe the slower pace of a Sunday is getting to me.
Six (long days almost) down.