I'm breaking up with you. It has been a long almost 11 months. I know it seems almost silly to break things off now --we always said we would go the distance! To one year, or heck, maybe even farther! But you know, I just can't take it any more. You are sucking it all out of me.
Then again, you aren't --and that's the problem.
You think you own me and frankly, are a bit controlling.
You dictate what I wear. No dresses unless they have stretchy necklines or buttons! Nothing too fancy!
You leave your messes behind you--in my car, the couch, my kitchen.
You won't let me see friends when I am with you.
You set my schedule, no matter the occasion or time. And you want me, all to yourself! Alone in a dark room, a car, even a quick special hotel room meet up at special events.
It's true, we have been through our ups and downs together. Your monotonous hum always lurking there in the background, in videos and phone calls, people always asking about you, "what's that?" The quiet companion always there--In the winter and the hot summer. With babies crawling over us and in the lonely wee hours of the night. Through work meetings and long commutes, weddings and shopping trips and family parties. Awkward sittings in the nursing lounge when our non-traditional relationship becomes obvious with the other nursing couples who are surely wondering about us. You've always been so mechanical! I know there are others like us, but they tend to remain in the closet!
You have always been there, nagging at me every 3-4 hours and on my mind almost every minute. "Come back to me, it's been too long. You need me. Only I can help you." And even, "You should be pumping. You are 'nursing' twins!"
But alas, I am giving way more than you are. I tried my best but unlike many of the other moms I know with over-flowing milk and their freezers full of storage bags, the few drops you are giving me just aren't worth the hassle. So I need to make a clean break. You have about a week to take the last of your milk before it is all gone.
No please, just go. Don't watch me cry! Sure, I'd love to stay friends, just another pump or two more. But then you really have to go. Before I change my mind.
Believe me, it's me, not you. I just can't make it work any more. And actually, there is someone else. It's my life. She called and she wants me back.
I know it hurts. I'm crying as I write this. But it has to happen. Maybe in a few years we can try again. I can't say that I will miss you but it will be an adjustment.
Sure, I may be willing to take you back. But you've made promises before to change your ways. More quality time together, power pumping sessions, wining and dining (well not really wining). But I just can't see it working. It's never lasted before. Why would I believe you now?
Oh! And, I just learned that Janet down the street may be in the market. I think you will be just what she is looking for. You guys could be great!