Monday, February 16, 2015

This is real (time)

I wanted to look good so I wore my best jewelry...
I've been posting a lot the past few days in an attempt to catch up to today. That's a lot of ground to cover over the past 8 or so months since we started the IVF process. For whatever reason, I really wanted to be able to blog this cycle in real time -- I want to be real in my feelings and emotions during this period of time without being tainted by future perspective.

Actually, they only have you half change so that was what I was wearing with my normal clothes.
But I do like the idea of dressing up for the doctor!
It is a little scarier opening myself up in this way. It is easier to separate myself from feelings that I felt months ago and often don't really even feel much anymore. But I feel it is important this time to share what I am feeling now. Maybe just for myself or my own personal history. Maybe someone out there going through the same thing will find it helpful?

One of the real advantages to my openness is the support I have received. I just answered the door to a friend bringing dinner. Not an hour earlier I was told to go to my front door only to find a sweet little package. Texts and messages all offering kind words and prayers. What a huge difference from before when I was trying to be quiet about it -- because it didn't seem proper, or would maybe make someone feel uncomfortable, or in case it didn't work. When I felt so alone and sad. So I am putting it out there and if it isn't proper or makes you feel awkward I guess you can stay away for awhile; and if it doesn't work I guess if you stay tuned you'll find out soon!

So if you want to join me on my journey, I am about to embark on what we call the "2 week wait." This is the tale of an agonizing journey of emotion and worry as the heroine battles the sheer length of each passing day until she reaches the end of this monumental wait until she will find out if all of her hard work and diligence have paid off in a pregnancy.

Luckily for us, the two week wait will only be 10 days this time.

So, on to today's procedure.

I found myself slowly getting ready for the day. A lazy morning of showering, breakfast, and blogging. I happened to look up from the computer to realize I had to be at the hospital in the next 20 minutes. This meant I should have been filling my bladder with water and almost out the door.

I made it just about on time, after getting dressed and downing some water with the Mother Mary Fertility Chalk (or MMFC as I will now call it. This time it was yucky, placed in plain water I couldn't quite get as much of it down as I planned, nor could I get the chalky taste out of my mouth). I continued to sip water throughout the check-in process and had them re-mark my hip injection sites as they have been excruciatingly painful this round. I am hoping a change of scene (even just a few inches away) will make a difference. We'll see.

One of the doctor's came in and said hi again. She told me it was time for some luck and that we "just can't be mad" if we get twins. When we made it back to the procedure room we had the same team from my second round of transfers. The ultrasound showed my bladder wasn't quite full enough so they brought me two more glasses of sprite to drink and gave me some more time.

They showed us our embryo report which this time showed two. I thought they looked a little sketchy this time -- not the round balls we had seen before but more oval shaped. They told us this was because they were "hatching" which is evidently a good thing, "just the stage you want them to be at." I had an overwhelming good feeling as they told me this and I felt like I was being comforted in a spiritual way. I felt pretty emotional as they prepped me for the procedure.

After chugging the pop they came back in and we got started. A little bit of trouble but then we were all set.

Afterwards Abe and I went to lunch, our transfer day tradition and found a new Indian Buffet. Yay! (Does anyone else love that carrot dessert like I do?)

As for how I am feeling today...calm. I am optimistic even though I realize it may not go as we want it to, I feel the power of the prayers that have been given on my account. I hope I will remember that no matter what happens. I also quite honestly feel a bit like I always do at this stage, "What did we just do!"

Two little baby bubbles. Hopefully the first ultrasound for our baby/babies
I told Abe this afternoon, "You just can't be mad if it is twins!"

Embryo count: 2 implanted
                         1 remaining

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