Thursday, September 22, 2011


I don’t remember being very body conscious in high school. I’m sure like most teenage girls, I was SELF-conscious, but I really couldn’t tell you what my body looked like, except I was about 117 pounds (so a lot skinnier). And I had acne. --Or at least that is how I remember it. The only thing I received comments about were my funny feet. I agree, they are funny. And worth commenting on.

When I started at BYU my freshman year, suddenly it seemed every one else was very body conscious for me. I learned from a roommate and a guy I was dating that I had a “funny tummy.” I had never realized that before, so thanks for cluing me in-- I'm honest when I say, I've never forgotten it. I also learned from my roommates and friends that I had a lot of “junk in the trunk,” which luckily I guess was a good thing. But I really had no idea about that, either.

I hope I am a self aware person. Someone who sees myself accurately. Sometimes I get these paranoid thoughts that I am really not who I think I am. Like in those movies where you don’t find out until the end that the main character is the crazy one. I guess if you are crazy enough to develop an alternate universe, you are probably crazy enough to not know. Anyway, I hope this is all real! (If it’s not, maybe I am glad I don’t know.) But you’d think I’d make a little less busy life with more time to myself…(weird the conversations I have with myself).

As for my body, I know I probably don’t see an accurate representation of myself. It can be helpful to have a twin sister to look at but even with our similarities, she isn’t me. I think it is interesting to compare compliments I receive to my own perception of myself over time.

Most frequent compliment lately: "You have beautiful skin."-- I still feel like my acne-ridden teenage self so this surprises me. I'm glad people see me this way because I have NO IDEA how to wear cover-up!

Second runner-up: "You have perfect teeth" or a "great smile." --Best compliments for a dentist!

Compliment I never get anymore: "You are so skinny." I'm not fat but I don't think I merit this one anymore to exclaim it without fishing. (I hope I don't really do that, by the way.) Although come to think of it, someone did say that to me yesterday...I was wearing scrubs that were too big.

Compliment I'm just starting to appreciate and wish I got more: "Wow, you look too young to be my doctor." This used to annoy me a bit. I'm hearing it less now and I'm starting to feel old.

Most laughed at body part: remember the part about my feet? Who cares, they could be worse in my mind! A lot worse.

And for the end, one compliment I wish I got just once: "I love your six pack!" (see paragraph 2)

What do you get the most compliments on? Do you agree?

Friday, September 16, 2011

Message in a bottle

When you are a kid, everyone knows when you are in trouble or lost you should send out a message in a bottle. A message telling where you are, a note to your long lost love, or perhaps the map to a buried treasure. These messages are sent without knowing if anyone will ever read them. That's how I feel about blogging right now. I've been wondering why I keep sending these messages and who I'm hoping they'll reach.

I tell people it is so my family can see what I'm up to. I'd like to be able to talk to them more than I do but I am pretty busy. "Blogging is a way they can know how I'm doing,even if I don't have time to call." Except, I don't think my own mom reads my blog more than every few weeks. (That's ok, Mom.)

I say it is to keep up with friends. I love reading their blogs. I'm not sure they read mine. Then I wander to blogs of strangers (does anyone else do that?). I would be secretly embarassed if they caught me but I also wouldn't mind if strangers were keeping up with me. Except sometimes I would mind-- if they are creepy.

And am I the only one who sometimes feels more lonely after reading other people's blogs? It is hard not to see the amazing(ly edited) lives of the bloggers I frequent and not feel a little bad knowing the behind the scenes look at my life. The beautiful women who have beautiful kids and beautiful houses and look like they are 19 (maybe they are?), taking cool trips and having parties every day with their beautiful friends who also have beautiful kids and beautiful houses and go on their cool trips with them (oh and make really amazing crafts every day and nutritious organic meals). Of course, neither the wife nor the husband have to work a day in their life to sustain their 'life of the rich and famous lifestyle.' Or the people who have silly things to say that obviously no one would want to comment about except they have 200 comments per post.

All the while, I am getting older and more tired with less friends and no vacations (although I do really like my house) and a boring life with nothing good/interesting/funny/cool to say.

Then I think about what Abe says: Abe thinks blogging is annoying. "It is a bunch of girls looking for people to tell them, "You go girl!"'

I don't like to admit it, but I guess he is probably right, at least when it comes to one girl I know (quite well). I have found that in our uber-connected culture, I often feel more isolated. I come online when I am bored or lonely. When I feel like everyone I know has moved away. When I feel too busy to have a normal life. When I am finally come home and Abe is working late. I come for a friendly word or a friendly face. But I usually leave feeling more lonely or isolated. Ironic. I can read all about a girl I knew in kindergarten or an old boyfriend I haven't talked to since college, without ever talking to them. Maybe that is the problem.

Does anyone else feel that way? What keeps you blogging? Are you even there?

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

A Hair Story

My mom always had a pixie growing up. She felt like a boy. She hated it. So when she was blessed with four daughters, naturally we all had long hair growing up. In fact, my first REAL haircut wasn't until my freshman year of high school. I had regular trims but I don't remember ever cutting off more than a few inches at a time until I made the jump to shoulder length hair.

Maybe as a result, I never got into the habit of regular hair cuts. I've continued to have long hair since that time although usually not quite that long. I usually grow it until I can't stand it anymore. Then comes the spontaneous, "I need it cut and I need it cut now!" where I call around until I find any salon that will have an opening. I've never come out looking horrible (takes a lot to mess up long hair I suppose) but I also haven't found anyone I've loved.

Until last November. In one of my "cut it now" rages, I happened upon Chelsea. She was amazing. A real hair artist. I had never had such a wonderful haircut where almost everyone seemed impressed (even weeks later after the initial shock of the change I was getting almost daily compliments) and I felt I could actually make it look kind of close to how she did it. I was so pleased I even scheduled my next appointment 6 weeks later before leaving the salon. I did this a few times in a row. I was sold.

And then, one day she disappeared. I showed up for my appointment and another girl took me back. I had received a message on my phone as I was on my way saying that she would be doing my hair that day but I was shocked when I showed up that that was indeed true. She didn't say a word about it, acted as if she was my normal girl and proceeded to cut. I was shocked and angry. I didn't want to take it out on her but I as mad they wouldn't at least inform me earlier and ask if this new plan was ok. I finally asked, "So is Chelsea gone?" ..."Yes, and I don't know where she went."

I was angry and upset. Normally I wouldn't have blinked an eye about this but now I finally cared and she was lost.

A few weeks later I told a friend about Chelsea and how she was lost. A few weeks after that I noticed this friend had a cute new 'do. I asked who did it and she told me "Chelsea." I knew it had to be her and hooray, I found her once again. I saw her once...until...

I received a call today. She has moved again. At least this time she had my number so she could inform me of her next jump. But unfortunately, with each move has come a significant price increase. Her new salon now "starts at $50" for women's cuts. As much as I love her, I don't know that I can fork out that much (plus tip) for a haircut often enough to stick with her. Or $40 for her to cut Abe's hair, which she also did a great job on.

What a disappointment. After a long roller coaster ride. Does anyone have someone in Iowa City they really like? I mean REALLY like?

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Little Disappointments

While I am on General Surgery I am supposed to have 4 days off per month. I have learned to really appreciate those days and even just having a few hours off has seemed like VACATION.

This weekend I am off. Two days in a row. Maybe even Monday, depending on if they need me or not. Or so I thought. Abe called me last night right before bed (as he was on-call all night at the hospital) and told me I was on call tonight. I had no idea. I somehow had misread the call schedule so I had no idea.

What a disappointment. A 12 hour shift isn't a big deal, really. But I was so looking forward to a full weekend off. That hasn't happened to me in months. I'm not super pleased that one of my two weekends off has a night shift right in the middle. Isn't really a weekend off, afterall.

What a disappointing thing to realize at 10:30 on a Friday night. I will be taking general surgery call for the trauma team and all other general surgery teams. Honestly, I am a bit nervous to be on TRAUMA (not just facial trauma) but I also think it could be kind of fun and crazy busy (first game day of the year today). I'm looking forward to NEXT weekend when I really have the entire weekend off and am meeting my parents in Chicago. Yay!

Have to cancel my dinner plans. And my sleeping plans. Don't judge my lesson tomorrow at church too much!