Sunday, August 30, 2015

Fertile People Problems

Mother Mary Fertility Ju Ju

My blog has been taken over by the infertility/pregnancy posts. Sometimes I miss my random musings but with my hand swelling and numbness, I don't often feel capable of any additional posts. But I've been thinking on this one quite a bit over the months, especially after reading so many blogs and social media posts about pregnancy.

I think most of us have seen those posts, "Rich people problems," or "White people problems." I decided to write a new one, "Fertile people problems," just for fun!

These "problems" are based on some observations I have made in my own fertility journey. This is not meant to be judgmental or insensitive to what other people find to be personal difficulties, but to offer another perspective as an infertile person looking in on problems I will probably never face myself. I would love to hear more if anyone has any!

So without further delay--and in no particular order,

Fertile People Problems:

1. Agonizing over the decision of when to have a baby -- trying to deliver the day between graduation and moving, or after your next marathon but before your sister's wedding, etc. This is a big life decision that deserves a lot of thought and hopefully preparation. Before I was aware of my infertility I also worried about timing. But now I wish I had the luxury of thinking I had any control over that, especially down to the season or the month or even the week! I really am amazed at how some people can "plan" it so specifically.

2. "I'm upset I'm over age 30 (or other age) and still have more kids to have" -- It is weird how many of my friends are done having children, have 5 or more children, or have teenagers by now. I'm getting closer to the "advanced maternal age" number (35) and we still don't have any kids yet.

3. Feeling like a botched birth plan has scarred you for life -- I am surprised how often I hear this. Evidently there are women who have lasting trauma, guilt, anger, or other overwhelming negative feelings over their birth plan not going how they had hoped. They often feel they were wrongly coerce or forced into an epidural or even a c-section. After years of infertility and very difficult interventions I am so excited to have a baby any way I can. Rip it out my nose if you have to! I do have a few preferences but also understand that while laboring in a warm tub sounds great, having twins I will be required by my particular doctor to have an epidural and deliver in an operating room with a high likelihood for c-section. Is this my ideal? Probably not, but I am grateful I have the opportunity to have any kind of delivery and that I have a team of professionals who will be there to provide whatever care will safely bring my babies and me through this experience. I can understand the disappointment of things not going as expected but I feel really sad that so many women are living life carrying such a burden with them about this!

4. "I don't like taking medications during pregnancy" -- What a luxury! I don't either, but unfortunately during my time before and during pregnancy I think I have about owned my own personal pharmacy. I should have at least bought some stock! When you do IVF you have thousands of dollars in medications to take just to stay pregnant. So it is a little hard for me to understand why you wont take a single pill to fight off a yeast infection or a short round of antibiotics to treat a UTI that could put you into pre-term labor. Or why you may judge my friends who take anti-nausea medications so they don't die from dehydration and lack of nourishment during their whole 9 months of horrible morning sickness.

5. Accidentally getting pregnant -- Obviously this is a big deal and not something to joke about. But after years of infertility, multiple procedures, hundreds of needle sticks and pills, and a doctor (not my doctor husband) impregnating me, I really cannot wrap my head around this one. This actually happens to people? my little brain asks in disbelief. Yes, yes it does! And to people I know. Multiple people.

6. "I'm wondering if I should reverse my tubal ligation to have another baby"-- This was a real question I saw on Facebook. Wow, just wow. I can't imagine being so fertile that you had to pay to become infertile and then pay to undo it and expect to get pregnant.

7. "I feel cheated out of my pregnancy/newborn stage/babies because I had twins this time" -- Knowing full well this may be my only time to be pregnant (even if I'd like more children), I am so grateful I get two babies! I can imagine there are things that would be easier, nicer, more ideal with just one baby but I have two miracle babies on the way. I will never feel cheated when it comes to these babies, because I think I am the one who cheated the system. Thank you science and God who brought me these babies when my body couldn't do it on its own.

8. "I only got to have 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, etc babies before my doctor rudely told me I could have no more -- should I listen to him or just go ahead?" -- I am really baffled by family planning. I can't imagine being able to come up with the number of kids I would want to have and be able to stick to it. I have had to totally change my mindset when it comes to how many kids we will have and realize that I will get the number of kids God will allow. I don't feel I have any control over this at all.

If nothing else, I think my experience with infertility takes a lot of the pressure off. And has taken away the eight problems listed above from my life. Hooray for less stress, because we all know that infertile people just need to relax!


Katie said...

Well said. I loved this and totally identified with it. Twins are great! I recommend joining a Facebook group for multiples, especially if you have one in your area.

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Camber said...

I love this post! I've similarly had a hard time feeling terribly sorry for fertile people and their various complaints--just awhile ago a friend in her mid-20s was complaining about getting old and not having as many children by now as she expected (she has two). I held my tongue, but sheesh! We have been continually readjusting our own expectations for our family, and now I'm to the point where I just feel profoundly grateful for what I do have--a healthy daughter. And honestly I think that sense of gratitude is one of the gifts of infertility--it puts all the difficulties of pregnancy and parenting into perspective.

Anonymous said...

How funny! And true! I'm one of the fertile people.. like really fertile! Like pregnant with babies 5,6 and 7 from one night of unprotected sex fertile. Can't say that I've wrestled with many of these "problems" but def know people who have. Love it!

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