Saturday, March 24, 2012

If cleanliness is close to Godliness than I'm agnostic

In a lot of ways I'd say I am not the traditional wife (or maybe the traditional Mormon wife). I am almost 30 and have no children. I work outside of our home and have plans to do so even after I have children (although hopefully not full time). I didn't always plan for things to be this way. When I started dental school I thought it would be a great way to find a husband. I figured the earlier I found him, the better the investment. But making it more than halfway before securing that certificate of marriage, I figured I might as well just stick with it. I do think Abe was worth the $100K investment up to that point but it seemed to make sense to continue on.

If you stopped reading there, hopefully you realized I was joking. I used to tell people that when they asked why I was going to dental school. If you find someone within the first year you are only out about $50K. Well worth it if you marry a dentist yourself.

Anyway, back to the wife thing. I am surprised being the working and non-traditional childless wife that I am how much my identity hinges on my (traditional) duties as a wife. I am so lucky to have a husband who shoulders probably well over his share of home duties (laundry, dishes, cooking, making lunches, etc). But I do feel it is MY responsibility in the end to account for what we are putting into our bodies and the status of our home. Which I am sad to say is usually a status not worth updating facebook or tweeting about.

My goal has been to clean up after ourselves more (I'm an adult but still can't seem to figure this one out!) and to keep our place clean enough to not be embarassed to have last minute guests. I was on a roll and then started Neurosurgery. Talk about disruption!

Anyway, I have toyed with the idea for quite some time about paying someone to come help me for a few hours a week getting things put back in order. I find I spend most of my free time on weekends (if I get free time) either sleeping or cleaning. I could use the help. I'd probably feel happier.

But it comes down to the wife thing...maybe it is that phrase "Cleanliness is close to Godliness," (who said that, anyway?) but I feel it is my personal moral responsibility to have a clean home (I also feel the same way about running, silly, probably, but I feel like I should be disciplined enough to like running and the fact the thought of running a marathon makes me want to barf makes me feel somehow of lesser character. I digress...). I feel a bit like a cheater if I need help. I feel like it is a lesson in discipline that I need to master. But I also feel that it would probably be money well worth it to feel a little cleaner and less stressed at home.

I bet you are thinking, "Go for it!" or "There is a time and season for everything," "don't be so hard on yourself,"etc etc. I know because I tell myself the same thing. But sometimes I find my mind wrestling my heart and often my heart wins, however illogical. But maybe I do need your "You go girls" (one of the main purposes of blogging, right?) to go for it.

How much does a "maid" cost anyway? I'd prefer to call her (or him!) my helper or "personal assistant." (And now I'm wondering, what do you call a male maid? A bit of a oxymoron. Housekeeper I guess...)

Anyone want to be my new personal assistant?


Larkin said...

Oh my word -- I love this post! Probably because I feel the same way about my 'traditional' roles determining my self esteem. It's kind of bizarre . . . I will be your assistant this summer as soon as I am done working :)

Rachel Culmer said...

Erin--you make me laugh! I love you! I think you should hire a personal assistant and see how it goes. If you don't like it, or you feel even more guilty, then let the person go.

I can be your personal assistant for a trial period if you want.