New Diet

I just happened to gain a few pounds (hopefully transiently) on our vacation last week.

I guess the diet gods felt I needed an extra bout of success and placed me back on the trauma diet.

What is the trauma diet, you ask? It's much simpler than some of the other diets I have been researching, but not really realistic long term and unfortunately it may not be a very feasable plan for most. Here are it's basic principles:

(1) The key is being Trauma Chief. Technically, I shouldn't fill this role for another number of months as I just finished taking call for the entire month of February. Unfortunately, a colleague had a death in the family so I am covering this week for him.
(2) Eat whatever you want (mostly), subsisting mainly on cafeteria food (which isn't low-carb, low-cal, or low-fat, but is often low-yumminess and low in nutrients)
(3) Stay busy and stressed enough to eat at strange and inconsistent times
(4) Walk to and from the OR multiple times during the diet period
(5) Wonder how you have lost a few pounds when you've been horrible about what you are eating without any formal excercise

Enjoy!

Country Bumpkins

We just arrived home from a much needed vacation (especially after one month of trauma call) to Southern California.

The land of “cold” 60 degree winter days,

expansive beaches and palm trees,

In N Out Burger,

Cafe Rio (a Utah favorite which has migrated West which is like Pancheros on steroids except it actually isn’t anything like Pancheros because it is so much better),

giant red strawberries,

and “the Happiest Place on Earth” had me all but wondering why we aren’t living there now (despite the almost $5/gal gas and crazy traffic) or at least have serious plans for a relocation in about five years.

But I did have a moment of Iowa appreciation…

On our way from our hotel to the airport this morning we met a woman from Florida. She had a lot to complain about from the suspension on the (FREE) hotel shuttle, to the beds and sheets at the hotel. She asked us where we were from and we were told that she was from Florida. She mentioned that she knew nothing about Iowa and that she could never live in the Midwest--being from Florida, of course, it would be such a devastating adjustment.

I was feeling pretty eager to give up my Iowa home in exchange for some sunshine and the beach but I guess in my almost 8 years here I have gained a little pride for the Hawkeye State and I felt defensive about our corn country. Yes, it can be hot and humid (just like Florida). And we don’t have the ocean but we have managed to develop our own culture without the ocean and somehow an associated social life outside of corn at least part of the time. And crazy enough, No, Iowa City isn’t the ONLY city in the state. Hard to believe, I know, but there are actually people living amongst those cornfields thank you very much. Soon after we arrived at our terminal. We smiled and wished her a good trip but what I wanted to say was,

“You’re right. I think the people in Iowa (City) are much too educated and gracious for someone like you. I don’t think you’d fit in at all. “ (Did you know that Iowa City is one of the two most educated cities in America?)

I guess what I’m trying to say is, it’s nice to be home sweet home in Ohio….

I mean Iowa.

Even if we wont get much sunshine for another few months.

Don’t be mad…

I was snooping in some old pictures I found of Abe’s on our computer today. I had never seen these before from his time at BYU. He’ll probably be mad at me but I couldn’t help but post a few…or a lot.

Look at that curly hair! I forget that his hair was similar to this when we met. Maybe the stress of medical school took it out of him?

I wonder what this dinner was? He is there with his grandpa…I never met him while he was alive but I did attend his funeral.

BYU basketball players? (Look at that hair! I’m still amazed)

I’ve never seen him in a tux.

I recognize her from Facebook (and those pants…didn’t know they were so old).

Abe’s cousin and her boyfriend Tyler were in my ward at BYU. Here they are at one of Abe’s cousin Nan’s famous pie parties. It seems like everyone I knew went to these but me—I was never invited. Too nerdy studying maybe? Was anyone else from my past there too that I should know about?

Looks like he’s always liked babies. She is so big now!

Look at these little cuties!

I found one of Abby

and one of the whole gang (minus Aaron)

 

This is my favorite!

 

And this is my least favorite! I have a high suspicion she (at first I wrote “it”—oops) is one of those Cougarettes (BYU dance team) he was “always” dating.

or maybe this one. (The girl on the far left looks very familiar. I don’t remember her name but I feel like she was a runner on the track team. It is so weird that Abe and I have mutual contacts and overlapped at BYU but never met. He even dated a few girls I knew from high school.)

Good thing I know there’s only one girl for him!

Love you “The Sheffield”, with or without curly hair! and even in a hat…

Another story: LBC

I continue to be surprised by the responses I have received from my recent posts. I have to say that I have felt so alone with this in the past, yet I continue to get comments from friends, old acquaintances, classmates, and family, both LDS and not LDS who have had similar experiences or feelings in their struggle to juggle their roles as women in this often unforgiving world. It is so nice to see that we are not alone, even though it sadly means there is a lot of this kind of negativity going around. It makes me even more desirous to be supportive to all of my sisters out there! I think we are all just “doing it” the best we can, as my MIL would say ever so wisely. I hope we can try that much more to be helpful and supportive of each other as women.

I received this message through Facebook from an old friend from BYU. She was one of my first six roommates at BYU my freshman year. I thought her message was so inspiring I asked for her permission to share and she graciously accepted. I also pirated this adorable picture from her profile.

From Lindsay Blonquist Chesser:

Hey Erin! I've loved reading your story on your blog lately! I wanted to write to you and tell you my experience...

I didn't ever really want to be a stay-at-home-mom. I wanted to be a scientist. I wanted to discover things and make a huge impact on the world. However, I also really loved little kids. During my senior year of high school, we had to go around the room and tell what we planned to do as a career. When it got to me, I said I thought I wanted to be a preschool teacher. The whole class belittled me! They said I should do something more with myself and my life! (A back-handed compliment maybe, but made me feel stupid). So, I entered BYU determined to major in Microbiology and carry out that science dream.

After a semester, though, it just felt wrong. I know that sounds ridiculous...I wasn't really even into major classes...but I just couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't what I was supposed to do. After a meeting with my microbiology advisor, and lots of prayers, I switched to Early Childhood Education. I then experienced a whole different scenario at BYU (compared to yours)...I was labeled as someone who was just hoping to get married...who would spend my life at home with a bunch of kids so I didn't really need to study...what could be that hard about being a teacher? Didn't they give us classes in laminating and writing on the chalkboard? ...the list could go on...drove me crazy.

I left BYU unmarried (what!? an education major unmarried!) but I was happy because it meant I could go back to Texas and I didn't have to follow a husband somewhere. I chose to teach in an urban district about 30 minutes from my parents' home. I was interviewed by an alternative school in that district and took a huge leap and accepted their offer to teach there. I didn't fully understand what I had gotten myself into...but basically, I had agreed to teach children in grades 1-4 that had such difficult behavior issues that they had either a) failed all of the other behavior programs in the district, b) broken the law in a very serious way and had to be removed from the general population, or c) did something very serious and violent to a classmate or teacher and had to be removed from the general population.

Oh the stories I could tell you! A first grader that came to me because he was using cocaine...kids who threatened to kill their teachers, a kid who kicked another kid so hard that he had permanent testicle damage, kids who had mental health issues, kids who lived in shacks and only ever got the chance to eat at school, kids who thought it was a regular part of life to go to jail (everyone they knew had been at least once...), etc. The things that these kids would say and do should never be part of a young child's life! And as a side note, I often had multiple, if not, all of the grades at the same time and I was supposed to teach them the regular curriculum and help them get back on track and fill all of their learning gaps so they could pass the standardized tests. Ha! (Those classes in laminating and chalkboard writing-which I didn't have-would not have prepared me for that!)

I got married after my first year of teaching and continued to teach for 4 more years after that. At that point we decided to start our family and had a baby girl. I decided to stop teaching. I got a lot of comments from my coworkers about that...that they wish they could just quit...that I would be wasting my life...that I didn't understand how bored I would be...that I was throwing my career away. Honestly, there is no way I could have continued that job and been any kind of good parent to a child. It drained me emotionally and physically. It was a dark cloud always hanging over my head. I enjoyed helping the kids and doing everything I could for them, but to be immersed in so much sadness and violence and anger is difficult. I had a really difficult adjustment (turns out I'm just not that good at life transitions) and hated staying home for the first 6 months. Then I figured out I needed to treat this just like a career--do my best, use all of my skills, find a way to be happy even during the hard days.

So, here we are today, my daughter is just about 16 months old, and I am loving staying at home with her. We have so many adventures together and I love using my skills and knowledge for her benefit. I don't regret my decision. However, I do still get remarks from people (especially since a lot of people I know are not LDS)...my neighbor, a working woman with a masters degree is always asking me when I'm going back to work...when I'm going to stop taking my break...or saying that I'm spoiled or 'so lucky.' That really makes me mad. We are making BIG sacrifices for me to stay home. We live in a small house, we drive really old cars, we have a strict budget for everything, etc., etc...Or when I'm out and about places and meeting people for the first time and they ask what I do...and I tell them I'm a mom...they are completely turned off by it and subsequently treat me like I'm dumb. Not a great feeling. The straw that broke the camels back, though, was a young BYU kid calling the other night asking for us to donate to the Annual Fund. He was calling for my husband, but chatted with me since I was available and asked if I had also graduated from BYU. When I told him I had, he asked what I had studied...I told him...and then he laughed and in a very belittling tone said, "I bet you're still really using that...heh heh." I wanted to reach through the phone and punch him in the face. What an idiot. He didn't even ask if we had kids or if I stayed at home or anything...he just assumed...and I hate that part of the LDS culture.

Anyway, sorry this is so long...I just wanted to say that I admire what you are doing. I love strong women. I want my daughter to be strong and know/believe that she can do anything she wants to do...and that she is smart and capable and all of that still applies whether she chooses to be a dentist, doctor, lawyer, teacher, or SAHM, etc...we are all important and should support each other no matter what!

The flu

I don't recall any fainting episodes once I was in dental school. I found myself quite nervous on the day we had to practice IVs on each other but I ended up okay. I've had multiple blood draws since then and usually do fine. I take precautions like sitting down or even lying down during blood testing and I recognize when a fainting spell is coming on (the biggest being the desire to flee to the bathroom, which I tend to avoid now).

During my oral surgery rotation I did have a close call. I was in the OR and was actually scrubbed (wearing the sterile gown and gloves for surgery), assisting with a surgery. I began to feel very ill. I sat down for a few minutes but this did not seem to help. I ended up in the hallway, sitting down on the floor. I waited many minutes and did not feel better. I ended up going home to bed. Turns out I had influenza and was home sicker than I've ever been in bed for days. But, I didn't faint!

Later during application time, I heard that one of the oral surgery staff at the college of dentistry was reviewing with another student who in our class was interested in oral surgery. When my name was pointed out, she told them I wasn't going to get in because I "fainted in the OR."

I was mortified! I wondered how she had known since she didn't even work at the hospital. And for once, I hadn't fainted--I was actually truely quite ill. It seemed ironic to me that although I am a fainter, this time I hadn't actually fainted and I was worried it would have some bearing as she said on my chances. Luckily she had little to no bearing on the application process.

Bump

The second time I fainted I was in my sister's dorm my Freshman year of college at BYU. I had to have blood drawn for a life insurance application. I warned the visiting nurse that I get a little faint with blood draws. She drew one vial as I sat with her at the table. I was relieved when she finished as I was just starting to feel dizzy. Then she pulled out the next vial to fill and BAM. Next thing I remember, I was on the ground with my feet all caught under the chairs. Luckily this time I didn't hit my head or lose my bladder! I am a little surprised she didn't take more precautions, like have me sit on the soft couch instead of on hard chairs next to a hard table, but luckily I wasn't hurt.

Maybe you've caught on that my fainting incidences tend revolve around blood, particularly my own. During dental school I was in a pre-dental class. An oral surgeon was showing us pictures of the cool things he has done. I was amazed at the gunshot wound repairs (pretty gory pictures) and some of the other surgeries he had performed without any signs of squeamishness. But when he turned out the lights and started showing a video of wisdom tooth extractions I began to feel very sick (ironic, I know...it's embarrassing to admit this). All I could think of was, "I can't believe they did that to ME!" Of course, I ran to the bathroom just outside our classroom after debating with myself what to do. I sat on the bathroom floor against the wall in the entry way, hoping this would prevent me from passing out.

Too bad that didn't work! Next thing I knew, I was waking up from a very deep sleep, unsure where I was, only to find that I was lying in the bathroom of the MARB at BYU (a busy classroom building) with a girl holding my feet straight up in the air (treating me for shock, I guess) and a bunch of girls huddled around me.

This time, I knew immediately what had happened. I said to myself, "Not again!" I felt very exhausted and hot and tired. And the big tip off was I had again relieved my bladder all over my pants. Someone called the ambulance. I told them I really didn't want to go by ambulance, I had just fainted and this had happened before. But I had hit my head (evidently as I fainted, I fell forward and bonked my forehead so loud it brought the other girls in the room running) and there was some questionable seizure activity again. I wasn't conscious enough to request someone just call my roommates or sister or friend (all who ended up being very close by, even one trying to come into the bathroom but not being able to due to the commotion and not knowing it was me and another waiting by the ambulance to see what was going on) to take me to the ER. I cried as they wheeled me into the ambulance as I was super embarrassed (almost all of my biology major friends were on their way there at that time for a class) and unhappy this had happened again.

Unfortunately, this time they were more worried about a seizure. I was placed on dilantin (anti-seizure medication) and given seizure restrictions like not driving. This was very tricky as I had to find people to drive me to work, hospital appointments, etc. I started taking the bus more often, bummed rides off of friends of friends for things like hospital tests, and felt very unlike myself. It was like I was walking around in a haze, I had daily headaches, and the medication made me very emotional.

I had to undergo EEG brainwave testing. After staying up all night except a few hours, I would report early the next morning. The first time a friend stayed up all night with me to keep me company, only for me to miss my alarm when I went to bed the few hours I was allowed. Oops!

When I finally made it to my test after rescheduling, they hooked me up to a bunch of electrodes on my head (I looked a little like Medusa), put me in a bed, and told me to sleep. You aren't supposed to move during the test unless you are actually sleeping and of course I was unable to fall asleep. Instead, I seemed to itch everywhere! When I would give in and try to scratch they would kindly remind me, "Try not to move Erin!" When it was all done, they gave me a brush and wished me luck getting all the sticky stuff out of my hair.

Luckily after a few weeks I was able to go off the medication and get back to my regular activities. But this experience really shook me. I was worried I wouldn't be able to become a dentist if I was such a fainter. It also left me with a $1000 ambulance bill (for a 2 block ride) that ruined my credit for years when it was inadvertently not paid immediately in full -- my bills got lost in the mail when I moved and I was unaware they were unpaid by my insurance.

It did help me learn to swallow my pride and ask for help when I needed it. And it made me grateful for my mind and my ability to be independent and quick witted. It was really disconcerting to feel like I wasn't able to think clearly, go places alone without being worried something would happen to me, or be able to do simple tasks like walk to school or go to work without needing someone else's help. And I decided to not worry about it and continue my applications to dental school.

Feeling faint

I'm a surgeon. But I admit it, I'm also a fainter. Unfortunately, this can be at tricky combination.

My first fainting episode occurred my senior year of high school. We (the student council) were planning a blood drive. We were watching a video describing this awesome and charitable act of donation. As a council we decided we would all donate. I was terrified. Maybe it had to do "with a bad experience as a child" that I had during a blood draw. Regardless of the cause, just thinking about the blood leaving my body was enough to make me run to the bathroom. The video didn't even show any blood.

I've learned over the years that the desire to flee to the bathroom is a warning sign for syncope. I didn't know that then. I did know I felt hot and sweaty. And then I felt sick. I ran to the women's room. I remember crouching over the toilet thinking I was going to vomit. 

Then I woke up lying flat on the bathroom floor (gross!). I felt sweaty and confused, really sleepy and dazed. There was a girl with curly brown hair in there washing her hands at the sink. I guess she didn't think it was weird to see a girl lying on the floor? I later asked her about it but she denied ever seeing me. I wondered if she was too embarrassed to admit it because I remember being right in the way to the door.

I felt so tired I had a hard time getting up. Finally, I walked out of the bathroom and ran into my good friend Miranda. She was leaving early for a doctor's appointment and strangely enough just happened to walk by at the exact right time. I think she could tell something was wrong. She asked what I was doing and I told her, "It is the funniest thing...I feel asleep on the bathroom floor!"

She walked me back to my classroom and my teacher called my mom to come get me. Unfortunately, I not only was confused, but had hit my head (with some minor bleeding) and had lost control of my bladder (sorry for whomever had to clean that up in the bathroom or who came upon it--I never thought of that until now) which was kind of embarrassing looking back on it. I think the student council members kept asking me if I peed my pants. I told them I think I just fell asleep in a puddle of water. I really believed it (so wasn't ashamed then), but they weren't buying it.  (Thanks for being so gracious you guys! Maybe in high school your brain isn't developed enough to have compassion on someone with a head injury? Somehow to a bunch of 17 year olds, urine soaked pants was more concerning than my bleeding head. This makes me laugh now.) I feel lucky I was clueless and concussed at the time because I would have been mortified.

I went to the doctor and they thought I could have potentially had a seizure but they weren't sure since no one saw the incident. Everything else seemed okay. I still have a bump on my head from that day and I had a bald spot there for years.

I gathered up all my courage a few days later for the blood drive. I was even more worried after my fall and I felt equally horrible afterward. My sister, my friend Cami, and I all felt pretty sick. I think each of us took turns lying on the ground to prevent another fainting episode while trying to walk home until I think someone called our parents. 

Luckily I made it through high school without any more incidences.