Sunday, September 29, 2013

Online journaling, thanks for listening

The other question everyone wants to know is, How are you holding up?

All I can say is I am feeling a wide range of emotions right now. Most of the time I don't feel like I am feeling anything. I'm still kind of numb or in shock. It doesn't seem real, but when I realize it is I still feel sad.

Mostly, I am in mourning for my rings. Unless they somehow recover our property (I am less than hopeful), I know I will never find one like it again. And because of our lack of supplemental insurance, we wont get enough money to go out and find a comparable one. I'm not too excited to get a replacement one as it is (I want MY ring) but having to cough up the thousands of dollars to get a second place one doesn't make me feel any better about it. It will probably be a long time before we can even justify replacing it. The missing watches and even costume jewelry that wont be replaced because they fall in this "jewelry category" just makes it that much more unpalatable.

I am also feeling frustrated and stressed. There is a lot of stuff to sort through. Messes that they made. Canceling credit cards. Re-issuing my drivers license (another hour of my life spent at the DMV!), making a comprehensive and very thorough list of missing items including documentation like receipts, pictures. Trying to plan a trip we take soon without credit cards. Not having a computer (borrowing one for a few more days, luckily). Having to get the door secured (it's screwed shut now) and eventually fixed.

And annoyed. The little things are getting to me. I think this is a glimpse to my psyche and how much it really is effecting me. I feel super annoyed they took my pillowcase. Now that sheet set will never be complete. What will I do with one unmatching pillowcase? Dealing with the insurance company so far has not been as easy or pleasant as I had hoped.

I also feel a little guilty. I feel bad for feeling bad. Afterall, it's just stuff, right? I keep telling myself that and I give myself a hard time for letting it get to me. But if someone else tells me the same line I feel annoyed, "What an insensitive thing to say!"

I feel sick. I have been nauseated most of this week. Not sure if it is related. I've had a poor appetite and slipped out of my healthy eating kick.

I feel angry. We have been trying so hard to budget and keep track of our money. We have been trying to maximize our student loan payments and to be frugal. I should be grateful we have been shielded from a financial crises because of how careful we have been, but I am angry this is going to set us back. Instead of paying extra each month on our loans, I have cancelled these payments and we will be setting that money towards our deductible and replacing items and fixing our house to make it more secure.

I don't feel scared and vulnerable. Right now. I have too many other things going on to have felt this much. But I notice I jump when people knock or I hear loud noises. I think the anxiety will come. And I find myself wondering if they will come back.

And I am feeling grateful. I think it is normal to have times in life when you feel kind of alone. I know I have had a lot of friends move away. I often feel like I don't know many people any more. I can't believe how kind and supportive everyone has been. I was able to take an afternoon off work to get settled because the people at work were really helpful and understanding. We have had friends drop by to see how we are doing, cupcakes and homemade pies dropped off, offers for places to stay, a cleaning crew that picked up not only the messes made by the burglars but the messes made by me, meals brought, and two separate friends who brought over jewelry they picked out for me.

And that makes this so much better!


Mom said...

Horrible events usually do make us remember what is important in life. Yes, it is sad to lose the sentimental things like the rings. I wouldn't replace them right away. Wait until you have another important life event, anniversary, Christmas, birth of your first child... then exchange rings and the new ones will not have to remind you of what you've lost.
I think what you are going through is normal and there is no way to cheat the stages you have to feel to get back to normal. Time.

Camber said...

Thanks for sharing all this, and for your other entries about the break-in. What an awful, stressful thing to go through. I like what your mom said about waiting to replace your rings until another important event, one that you can also enjoy looking back to. I lost my wedding ring in the ocean a year and a half after we were married, but it was fun to have Isaac pick out a new one for me and surprise me with it (luckily I don't care for expensive jewelry, so the new one wasn't too pricey either). And you know, it was a good reminder that our marriage was based on our love and commitment to each other, and not to the ring. But it was still really sad at the time.

Rachel Culmer said...

I hate dealing with insurance companies. It just doesn't seem fair at times. The last thing that you need is to spend time on is sending an inventory to the insurance, trying to figure out how to replace missed items, etc. I hope things improve Erin.

Tawnya said...

Ugh! Erin, I am so sorry! I wish I had more to offer than that. Good luck!