I think we’ve about reached the end of this thread. First I want to say thanks for all of the blog and facebook comments. I keep hearing that people are reading but it is nice to see some evidence of that and to stimulate some discussion and new thoughts for me as well (even though it is MY blog it is nice to not do all the talking sometimes). I really appreciated the supportive comments from old and new friends and the reminder that other women have had similar experiences. It is always nice to know I am not alone and I am so happy to hear about other perspectives and ways of doing things. Please feel free to comment in the future, even if you feel we aren’t great friends or it’s been awhile. It was so nice to hear from you.
So what comes next? Contrary to what I said earlier in jest, I knew once I got into dental school that this was not a back-up plan. I knew I was in for the long haul. I knew I was crossing over from full-time SAHM to at least part time working mom territory. I knew this isn’t a career where you get your degree, take time off while your kids are young, and return in 15 years without a hang-up. This was something I would have to either keep up or probably give up completely.
I wasn’t willing to give it up.
Unlike my choice to go to dental school which I made on my own, I did have a husband to consult when I decided to pursue residency. I didn’t always plan on specializing but again, I felt very strongly about continuing my training when I got closer to graduation. Yes, I had recurring and fresh concerns about how I would make this work as the goal of a family was even more tangible as a married person. But it still felt right. It was helpful to have someone to make the decision with this time around and he was very supportive. I don’t remember him once questioning me. He has been patient and helpful during this time. I feel so lucky to have a husband who does dishes (he is doing them right now!), laundry, makes lunches, gives me early morning rides, and isn’t afraid to do “woman’s work” if it means making our family work. I know he looks forward to the day he will be a parent and I appreciate his willingness to put that off while I complete my training. Just like I expected to be a SAHM, I bet he expected to marry a SAHM (he would never say that…he wouldn’t want to risk hurting my feelings, but I suspect it must be true). I think about that sometimes and hope our new life will be even better than what he expected, even if some of his goals are delayed .
People often ask me about my timeline for children. It really is hard to say. Up to this point I just haven’t felt the inspiration that it is the right time. I hope when it is I will know. They also ask me how it will work. Right now I really am unsure. I hope eventually it will mean a flexible schedule where my husband and I are both able to find time to be home with our children. I hope it will mean having some days off or even working strange hours (7-3 to pick up kids from school?). And I am sure it will mean some combination of babysitters/nannies/daycare. The good thing is that we can do it however we want! I am lucky to have a husband who is flexible and helpful and doesn’t feel constrained to stick to the traditional family model of man working, woman at home. I can see us both being part time stay-at-home parents!
In the meantime, I am trying to enjoy our time together, just us!
P.S. I would love to hear how you make it work in your family! I’m always looking for new ideas for the future.