When you are a kid, everyone knows when you are in trouble or lost you should send out a message in a bottle. A message telling where you are, a note to your long lost love, or perhaps the map to a buried treasure. These messages are sent without knowing if anyone will ever read them. That's how I feel about blogging right now. I've been wondering why I keep sending these messages and who I'm hoping they'll reach.
I tell people it is so my family can see what I'm up to. I'd like to be able to talk to them more than I do but I am pretty busy. "Blogging is a way they can know how I'm doing,even if I don't have time to call." Except, I don't think my own mom reads my blog more than every few weeks. (That's ok, Mom.)
I say it is to keep up with friends. I love reading their blogs. I'm not sure they read mine. Then I wander to blogs of strangers (does anyone else do that?). I would be secretly embarassed if they caught me but I also wouldn't mind if strangers were keeping up with me. Except sometimes I would mind-- if they are creepy.
And am I the only one who sometimes feels more lonely after reading other people's blogs? It is hard not to see the amazing(ly edited) lives of the bloggers I frequent and not feel a little bad knowing the behind the scenes look at my life. The beautiful women who have beautiful kids and beautiful houses and look like they are 19 (maybe they are?), taking cool trips and having parties every day with their beautiful friends who also have beautiful kids and beautiful houses and go on their cool trips with them (oh and make really amazing crafts every day and nutritious organic meals). Of course, neither the wife nor the husband have to work a day in their life to sustain their 'life of the rich and famous lifestyle.' Or the people who have silly things to say that obviously no one would want to comment about except they have 200 comments per post.
All the while, I am getting older and more tired with less friends and no vacations (although I do really like my house) and a boring life with nothing good/interesting/funny/cool to say.
Then I think about what Abe says: Abe thinks blogging is annoying. "It is a bunch of girls looking for people to tell them, "You go girl!"'
I don't like to admit it, but I guess he is probably right, at least when it comes to one girl I know (quite well). I have found that in our uber-connected culture, I often feel more isolated. I come online when I am bored or lonely. When I feel like everyone I know has moved away. When I feel too busy to have a normal life. When I am finally come home and Abe is working late. I come for a friendly word or a friendly face. But I usually leave feeling more lonely or isolated. Ironic. I can read all about a girl I knew in kindergarten or an old boyfriend I haven't talked to since college, without ever talking to them. Maybe that is the problem.
Does anyone else feel that way? What keeps you blogging? Are you even there?