Sunday, April 28, 2013

I spent the first really nice day of the year inside working...and other thoughts

So, I've been thinking, "I hope the meek really do inherit the earth" (to quote the Bible). I could use a light at the end of the tunnel right now.

And no, this picture has nothing to do with this post except I look pretty happy and carefree which is a nice reminder.


To say it's been a hard week would be an understatement. I feel like I've been saying that for a long time now. I'm not quite sure when it started, but it probably coincides with Abe's Head and Neck rotation beginning just under 8 weeks ago. This has been by far his busiest couple of months of intern year so far. And I feel like my emotions have been mirroring his crazy rotation.

I was discussing with my mom my run of "bad luck." We both decided I often do seem to draw the short straw. But I also get lucky a lot. I seem to have a lot of little annoying problems but luckily things seem to work out for me in the end.

So what's the deal? Mostly just little things, with a few big things mixed in. Stress about life decisions (I keep thinking we are done making these but they seem to crop up again and again). Frustration with not seeing my husband very much and sympathy pains when he seems miserable or tired or busy. Mistakes at work and mistakes at home. Relationship challenges. A mini-health scare (which luckily seems to have turned out to be nothing). Busy days/nights on-call. Disappointments and unmet expectations. And things like getting stuck by contaminated sharp items at work and hoping to not get Hep C and die of liver failure in the future...

But most of all, it's my own guilt and self punishing. I have really been beating myself up lately. Funny, because we had a lesson at church just last Sunday about not doing that. Funny because yesterday we had another activity at a different church meeting on forgiveness and grace. Funny because I like to talk way too much at church and can't follow my own advice about letting go and moving on.

Awhile back I developed a bit of a personal mantra based on a scripture from the Book of Mormon. The scripture is Ether 12:27:
And if men come unto me I will show them their weakness. I given unto them weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then I will make weak things become strong unto them.
I decided that maybe God gives us our weaknesses as a roadmap to success. Maybe the things we are worst at are what He is trying to tell us He wants us to improve. Things like my messy house will one day be motivation for becoming a very tidy and organized person. Or my habit of talking too much will prompt me to become the world's best listener, probably after I really embarrass myself in the future. Or my junk food eating will culminate into becoming a real health nut.

So, I am hoping I can use some of my current mistakes to my advantage! I could certainly use some of that lately. God must have a lot of greatness in store for me!

...and there goes my pager....again!


Cristi said...

My favorite scripture.... 1 Corinthian 3:2. When I start beating myself up and wondering I try and remember he will only gives us what we can handle. I know doesn't make it easier....... Remember the good things like how far you have come..... How many woman can do what you do..... Still have faith and still have a loving marriage with another dr none the less..... You are strong and I am amazed at what you do.... Now while I am anal about my house..... Comes Crome the genes lol.... It isn't everything... As long as it is your temple and home that is all that matters..... Unless it is a hazard zone which I doubt lol. Hang in there

Tawnya said...

Yes, I am positive he sees greatness in you. Because you are already so great!

Erin said...

Thanks Cristi and Tawnya. I love hearing from you and you give really good, "You go girls!" too. I think you both are awesome as well.

Suz said...

You don't stop having life challenges until you no longer have a life to be challenged, so be grateful for each one.

Stepping stones to where you want to be.

Camber said...

I think one of the greatest gifts God can give us is humility. There's plenty of time for us to become perfect, but weaknesses now make us rely on God more. But in the meantime, from MY perspective, seeing someone else with a dirty house makes me feel like SO much less of a horrible person for also having a dirty house, and I love being around people that talk a lot. It takes the pressure off of me to think of stuff to say :)