(Mis)matched

I remember in college when many of my friends were getting married, we would receive wedding invitations with engagement photos. My roommates and I would eagerly open the envelope to see (and perhaps make our critique) of the happy couple. There were multiple occasions I found myself disappointed. You know, I hate to admit it, but the times when your should-have-been-a-super-model friend fell for the chubby bald guy, or the guy you’d had a crush on all year married the girl who was definitely less pretty than you. Yes, there is often one person in the couple who is more attractive but if you deviate away more than a few points (on the hot scale) it becomes quite noticeable. It is silly, really, because part of me finds great satisfaction and a feeling of triumph in couples who clearly choose their partner based off less superficial qualities than their attractiveness. But there is something about the aesthetic value of couples that at that point at least, had a large impact on my feelings of if they were a “well matched” couple.

I know other people didn’t feel this way and had no worries about the matchability of their future spouse. But I, being again, (somewhat?) superficial, had some worries. I wanted to marry someone who people would think was attractive, but mostly, I didn’t want to be the girl who people said, “Wow, how did she end up with him! He could have done so much better!”

This is the engagement photo we sent out with our invitations. I guess I can only say what I think with accuracy, but no one has told me yet (and please don’t start) that we weren’t an acceptable (physical) match, except for maybe our almost 12 inch height discrepancy.

Recently, I have been thinking in different terms of how well matched we are. I still wonder about our physical appearances. He is so thin, it is hard to keep up! And people are always telling him he looks like _____ movie star, or that he should be a movie star, or he looks like he should like in Hollywood (you get the idea). His medical school friends used to call him the “Mormon George Clooney.” I don’t think I’ve had any stranger approach me and tell me I am so gorgeous I should be a model. The only movie star I get compared to is “Princess Leia.” My friends never told me I was like the “brunette Heidi Klum.” I’m not sure if this means we are mismatched but sometimes I wonder.

I started thinking about all of this with Match Day for Medical school. He is graduating with his MD/PhD in less than one month! I know he will be a great physician and he was certainly in high demand by multiple programs. I think he let me be “doctor” first, so I could feel important for a little while until he laps me with his dual degrees.

(These are his medical school photos for his first and last year, 8 years apart. Still looking good!)

He works very hard for our church. He has been serving as our Elder’s Quorum President (meaning he was in charge of the meetings, activities, and welfare of most of the men in our congregation). This week he was just ordained to be a High Priest so he could be in our Bishopric. He serves with a smile, even when he has to wake up early and attend multiple meetings.

When other women talk about “MEN!” or how their husbands are horrible about helping out at home, I have to hold my tongue. Abe has been the hugest blessing in my life, especially in relation to my residency. He lets me vent or unload all of the thoughts about my day (and there are usually a lot!), often makes dinner, helps with dishes, does the majority of laundry, makes our lunches, drives me to work on early mornings, etc etc. I hope to give him even a small measure of the support he has given me during his upcoming intern year. I didn’t even mention his awesome baking skills.

I figure if people use their blogs to brag about their kids, surely I should be able to brag about my husband. I guess what I have learned is that even though I feel our engagement photo didn’t evoke any strong negative gut reactions about our compatability, I have come to learn since we’ve been married that we are terribly, horribly mismatched. He is clearly the superior one in our relationship.  I hope he doesn’t figure this out too soon. But I’ve also changed how I feel about this. Now I know that I come out the winner (if I can just keep him around)! Before I was just looking for a good match. Now I know the key is to get the best you can get. Clearly some of the couples in the engagement photos figured that out already.

Poor Abe is stuck with me.